Have you ever found yourself saying yes to everything you thought would somehow please God, only to realize that instead of enjoying His peace and presence, you’re left feeling exhausted?
That was my story in the earlier years of my walk with the Lord.
As a recovering people-pleaser, I eventually learned that I needed to say “no” sometimes, even to good and meaningful opportunities.
I was often asked to volunteer for things like teaching preschool missions classes or directing Vacation Bible School each summer. I loved serving, and I especially enjoyed singing and being part of the choir, but that required yet another night each week for practice and preparation.
Eventually, I had to draw a line for myself.
So when a church committee approached me about directing the overall women’s missions organization, I didn’t hesitate. My answer was a firm and final no. Much to the surprise of the person who asked and to me as well.
I knew I would hate it. That’s why I said no.
And yet, I still felt guilty for not saying yes.
Seeking Approval Instead of Abiding
What I came to realize is that I wasn’t just serving. I was striving for approval.
The approval of others.
The approval of my husband.
And, more than anything, the approval of God.
Sadly, my upbringing had left me with the quiet belief that my good works needed to outweigh my bad ones in order for me to truly measure up to God’s standard.
But then, God placed older women in my life who invited me into Bible study and fellowship. It was through God’s Word that I began to understand something profoundly simple and deeply freeing; the old children’s song is true:
“Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”
John 15, in particular, gave me language and imagery for what it truly means to be loved.
“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
—John 15:4–5 (NIV)
Abiding Is the Answer
My striving, my constant effort to please, was never the answer.
What my heart, soul, and mind were truly searching for was this: abiding in the Father’s love for me in Christ Jesus.
And what I’ve discovered is that when I choose to love Jesus and remain in His Word, His love flows through me in ways I could never manufacture on my own. True fruitfulness doesn’t come from hustle, it comes from reverence.
A Fruitful Life Flows From Reverence, Not Hustle
I believe the woman described in Proverbs 31 leaned into each season of her life and accomplished much, not because she was striving, but because she was living from the overflow of her relationship with God.
Did she learn to do this overnight? Probably not.
Like you and me, each year and season of her life gave her new opportunities to experience God’s faithfulness as she learned to abide in His presence. The fruit we see in her life is the result of one foundational truth:
“She fears the Lord.” (Proverbs 31:30)
Everything else flows from there.
Fruit Grows Naturally When We Remain in Christ
The fruit of the Spirit, love, peace, patience, aren’t forced. They’re formed.
We can fake spiritual fruit for a little while, but eventually the effort wears us down. True fruit is produced by the work of God’s Word within us.
Striving may have shaped my earlier seasons, but abiding is what sustains fruitfulness now.
Midlife Faith: From Performance to Presence
As a midlife Christian woman over 40, I’m more secure in my identity as a child of God, and far less insecure about saying “no” to acts of service that fall outside my gifting.
I can do this because I no longer believe I have to perform for God, or anyone else, for Him to love me right where I am.
When I choose to abide in God’s Word and allow Him to rule my life from within, I’m able to rest in His peace. And when I do say “yes” to areas that stretch me, I do so prayerfully as an act of surrender—trusting that the Lord is the One leading me.
And His leading is always for my good and His glory.
Walking with you,
De Anna
Continue the Journey of Abiding
If this message resonates with you, I invite you to revisit January’s post, A Life That Overflows, where we explored what it means to live with compassion, wisdom, and eternal perspective.
And if you’re ready to begin, or begin again, rooted not in striving but in abiding, I’d love for you to join me in the Fruit of the Spirit Bible Reading Plan. It’s designed to help you slow down, remain in God’s Word, and allow spiritual fruit to grow naturally as you walk with Him.
You don’t have to do more to be loved; you simply need to remain.
