How Christian Women Can Find Lasting Joy in Christ…
What if joy isn’t the same thing as happiness?
I clearly remember being desperate to overcome the heaviness of despair during one particular season of my life.
Not only was midlife quickly approaching with its added mood and emotional swings, but I found myself in a pit of depression as a result of several difficult life issues that happened within the same few months.
I missed being happy.
The lesson I eventually learned was that joy is not the same thing as happiness.
Our lives will consist of changes and challenges, and no matter how much we try to anticipate what’s next, there will always be circumstances we didn’t anticipate.
Midlife can bring circumstances we didn’t anticipate.
Confused, hurt, and unable to find my spiritual, mental, and emotional balance, I reached out to a friend and asked her to pray for me.
I expected her encouraging words to be life-transforming.
But my friend didn’t give me the message I anticipated.
Her wise words to me were simply:
“Rest.”
Her simple yet profound encouragement was exactly what I needed to hear, but it took some time before I was able to receive the gift of rest in the middle of my dark night of the soul.
We can mistakenly believe we’ll have joy when our circumstances change.
But what if joy doesn’t require everything around us to change first?
Rest is not so different from the word “abide” Jesus used when He taught His disciples about remaining in Him in John 15.
I only realized later that what I needed in the middle of that hard season was not another strategy for fixing my circumstances. I needed to rest in the care and comfort of the Lord.
Joy and happiness are not the same thing.
My circumstances didn’t feel happy, but I could still find joy in knowing that God was in control.
I could be joyful that our young church was blossoming into something beautiful. I could be joyful that our teenage boys were so much fun to be with. I could find joy in seeing beauty all around me if I simply took the time to notice.
I didn’t always feel joyful.
But I could turn my heart toward the One who is the source of my joy.
And that distinction matters.
Biblical joy isn’t pretending that everything is okay. It isn’t forcing a smile when your heart is breaking. And it isn’t manufacturing a positive attitude through sheer determination.
Joy is something deeper.
Joy Is a Fruit, Not a Personality Trait
Galatians 5:22 tells us that the fruit of the Spirit is… joy.
When we allow our lives to be led by the Spirit, joy becomes an overflow of our relationship with Christ.
We can certainly strive to be joyful. We can even pretend to be joyful when we’re not happy.
But we cannot manufacture the fruit of joy.
Joy is the evidence of the Spirit’s work within us.
Although some people seem to exude joy effortlessly, joy isn’t simply a personality trait. Some people are naturally cheerful and optimistic. Others are quieter, more reflective, or more serious.
None of that determines whether we can experience biblical joy.
Joy is a fruit of the Spirit.
And fruit grows.
It grows as we remain connected to the Vine.
It grows as we abide in Christ.
It grows as we learn to trust Him, even when we don’t understand what He’s doing.
That means we don’t have to put pressure on ourselves to produce joy. Instead, we can make room for the Holy Spirit to produce His fruit in us as we remain rooted in Christ.
Can Biblical Joy Coexist With Grief?
Jesus never promised that life would be easy. In fact, He told His disciples that they would have trouble.
Trials can cause us to experience all manner of grief, but choosing joy in the middle of our grief doesn’t mean denying our pain.
It can reveal a deeper, more mature faith.
Joy isn’t denial.
Think about what happened when Jesus arrived in Bethany after Lazarus had died.
Jesus knew what He was about to do.
He knew Lazarus would live again.
And yet, when He saw Mary and the others grieving, Jesus wept.
He didn’t tell them to stop grieving because everything was going to be okay.
He entered into their grief with them.
That reminds us that joy and grief can exist in the same heart.
We can be disappointed, tired, grieving, or uncertain and still be anchored in Christ.
Listen to the words of the prophet Habakkuk:
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”
— Habakkuk 3:17–18
Habakkuk wasn’t pretending everything was fine.
Everything was not fine.
And yet, he had discovered something more secure than favorable circumstances.
He had discovered that God Himself was enough to anchor his joy.
Even if the worst-case scenario unfolds, we can still rejoice in the Lord.
Not because the situation isn’t painful.
Not because we aren’t allowed to grieve.
But because our circumstances are not the final authority over our hearts.
Christ is.
Where Does Lasting Joy Actually Come From?
Nehemiah 8:10 tells us that “the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
I love that.
Not the joy of getting everything I want.
Not the joy of having an easy life.
Not the joy of circumstances finally working out.
The joy of the Lord.
God’s presence in the middle of our circumstances is the key to experiencing the fruit of joy in our lives.
His promises allow us to rest in hope.
His faithfulness reminds us that He can be trusted.
And holding fast to our identity in Christ keeps us focused on His presence and peace, knowing that outcomes ultimately rest on His sovereignty—not our ability to make life easier or control what happens next.
This is where abiding becomes so important.
Jesus said:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love… I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”
— John 15:9, 11
Did you catch that?
“That my joy may be in you.”
Jesus doesn’t simply tell us to try harder to be joyful.
He invites us to remain in His love.
And as we abide in Him, His joy becomes part of our lives.
That’s the difference between striving and abiding.
We don’t have to manufacture the fruit.
We remain connected to the Vine.
3 Ways to Choose Joy in Hard Times
So what does this actually look like when you’re walking through a difficult season?
Here are three simple places to begin.
1. Choose to turn your attention toward joy
We don’t have to wait for our circumstances to change before looking for evidence of God’s goodness.
Sometimes choosing joy begins with taking our eyes off ourselves and looking outward.
Try something simple:
- Encourage someone else.
- Take a walk and tell God what you appreciate about Him.
- Write a note to someone who is sick or in the hospital.
- Visit a friend.
- Notice something beautiful around you.
- Thank God for one small thing you might normally overlook.
This isn’t about ignoring what’s hard.
It’s about refusing to let what’s hard become the only thing you see.
We can acknowledge our pain while still looking for God’s goodness.
2. Challenge your mindset with God’s Word
Ask yourself:
Are my thoughts in alignment with God’s Word?
When we’re sad, grieving, disappointed, or overwhelmed, our thought patterns can easily travel down a negative pathway.
I’ve certainly been there.
Sometimes our circumstances haven’t changed, but our thoughts have become the lens through which we see everything.
This is another reason abiding matters.
Jesus says:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love… I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”
— John 15:9–11
We can acknowledge that our situation is less than happy while choosing to remain in the love of Christ at the same time.
Why?
Because the love of Christ is not dependent on our circumstances.
And His joy isn’t either.
3. Give yourself permission to experience joy
Grief, pain, sorrow, and heartbreak are human conditions we all encounter.
But sometimes, especially as women, we can feel guilty about experiencing joy when someone we love is hurting or when life around us isn’t going well.
We may unconsciously believe we need permission to laugh again.
To enjoy our coffee.
To spend time with a friend.
To listen to music.
To enjoy our grandchildren.
To notice a beautiful sunset.
To celebrate something good.
Friend, joy is not a betrayal of your grief.
You can grieve what has been lost and still receive what God is giving you today.
You can be disappointed and still laugh.
You can be tired and still experience delight.
You can walk through a difficult season and still notice beauty.
You don’t have to wait for perfect circumstances to receive the joy Christ offers.
You can turn toward Him today.
And perhaps that’s what choosing joy really looks like.
Not pretending.
Not striving.
Not forcing ourselves to feel something we don’t feel.
But resting.
Abiding.
Remaining.
And allowing the Holy Spirit to produce His fruit in us.
🌿Rooted Reflection
Where have I attached my joy to a circumstance, relationship, outcome, or season that I cannot control? What would it look like to receive joy from Christ instead?
Take a few quiet moments with Jesus today.
What would it look like for you to rest instead of strive?
Where might He be inviting you to remain in His love and allow His joy to become your strength?
🌿You Don’t Have to Walk This Season Alone
If you’re a Christian woman over 40 navigating the changing seasons of midlife, I want you to know something:
You don’t have to figure it all out alone.
Rooted & Established is a community for women who want to grow deeper in Christ, learn what it means to abide rather than strive, and encourage one another through the seasons of life.
And right now, Rooted & Established is FREE for a limited time.
Come join us.
Pull up a chair.
Let’s learn to remain rooted in Christ, and discover the joy that grows when we do.
