In the last article, we established that comparison and dignity cannot peacefully coexist. Today we’re talking about the grace that sets us free from Christian perfectionism.
If you’re anything like me, you want to be a good wife, mother, friend, and woman of God. But somewhere along the way, that desire can slowly turn into striving.
We compare ourselves to others. We question our worth. We wonder if we’re doing enough. We work harder to become more confident, more capable, and more put together.
Throughout this month’s series, we’ve been uncovering God’s better way. A way rooted in dignity, confidence, and identity in Christ rather than performance.
Because comparison looks sideways to see what “Her” life looks like and then sees our own blessings as burdens missing the grace gifts we’ve been given.
Falling prey to comparison leads us to compete for the position, place, or blessings of another. So does striving for acceptance, approval and love.
Striving is what perfectionism does and I can tell you from experience that perfectionism is exhausting!
Christian perfectionism often disguises itself as spiritual maturity, but it can leave us exhausted and discouraged
The more we compare ourselves to others, the harder it becomes to see ourselves through God’s eyes. God is not calling us to be “her”, He invites us to walk in His grace.
God Isn’t Asking Us to Be “Her”
Instead of endlessly pursuing the approval of others, learning to walk in dignity and grace as a midlife Christian woman, requires that we acknowledge the value and the worth God has given each of us, then fully embrace our place as one who is deeply loved.
The more I look up instead of sideways, the better I can see the lavishness of God’s love for me. The key is to become rooted and firmly established in this love.
Let me explain.
In my early years of marriage, I desperately wanted my home to measure up to what my mother’s housekeeping looked like. She was the “Queen of Clean,” if you know what I mean.
As a result, my poor husband didn’t quite know what to do with my frustrated perfectionism. I lived with a constant fear that my mother might drop by unexpectedly and notice all the things I hadn’t done right.
As if that weren’t enough, I also wanted to measure up to what I imagined my mother-in-law’s expectations of a good wife for her son might be.
The problem was that neither of them was asking me to be perfect.
I was placing those expectations on myself.
I spent far too much time comparing myself to others and convincing myself I wasn’t good enough. In the process, I missed much of the joy that comes from creating your own rhythms, traditions, and routines as a newly married woman.
Thankfully, Mike was a grace-filled man.
Over the years, I’ve learned that perfectionism is a heavy burden to carry. Comparison and striving left me frustrated, exhausted, and constantly focused on what I lacked instead of what God had already given me.
What helped me the most was learning to focus on the love God has for me.
The more I understood that my worth wasn’t determined by a spotless house, someone else’s approval, or my ability to do everything perfectly, the more freedom I found.
Friend, perhaps you’ve been carrying similar expectations. Maybe not about housekeeping, but about motherhood, ministry, marriage, work, or life in general.
The truth is, God isn’t asking us to be perfect. He’s inviting us to walk in His grace.
A Closer Look at God’s Love for Us
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,
and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:16-17 NIV
This passage tells us that if we are rooted and established in the love Jesus Christ has for us, the following will happen:
- We will have the power to grasp that God’ s love is so much deeper, longer, and higher than we could imagine.
- We would begin to realize that this great love “surpasses” our knowledge or understanding of just how much we are loved.
If we could grasp even a small portion of the depth of Christ’s love for us, we would spend less time questioning our worth and more time walking confidently in our God-given identity.
LOVE is the central gift of our identity in Christ.
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
1 John 4:10 NIV
When I live my life from the knowledge that I am deeply loved by the unmerited gift of Jesus Christ, I then can walk in dignity and grace as a woman of God.
What Does it Mean to Walk in Grace?
Grace is such a lovely word. It means to be unearned favor, to be given what you don’t deserve, it is a gift.
God, in His love, graced us with His Son Jesus Christ who loved us and gave His life up for us.
As a result, if we confess Jesus as Lord, repenting of our sin, we receive the gift of eternal life. Not because we’ve earned the right because we never could.
It is the overwhelming love of God that gives us the right to be called children of God because of the grace Jesus has given us.
When I begin to understand that my identity is in the love and grace of Christ, I can break free from Christian perfectionism and striving- comparing my life to another while missing the blessings I already have.
As a Christian woman navigating midlife, I can walk in confidence, dignity, and grace because I know my worth.
None of this is as a result of who I am apart from a relationship with Jesus Christ. As I abide in His word and allow His word to live inside of me, grace, confidence, and dignity will overflow.
Three Ways to Walk in Grace
1- Silence the noise of competition.
Don’t let your mind dwell on what isn’t yours, focus on your own blessings.
2- Crush comparison.
Don’t let comparison steal your joy. You are uniquely created by God to be YOU.
3- Choose to celebrate another woman’s blessings.
Even if she received what you’ve been praying for.
YOUR TURN:
In what ways do you struggle when it comes to walking in grace?
Do you find comparison to be an issue in your heart and mind?
Take some time today to reflect on the deep, rich love God has for you. How does this cause you to see your identity in Christ?
Frequently Asked Questions About Grace and Perfectionism
Is perfectionism a sin?
Perfectionism itself is not specifically called a sin in Scripture, but it can become a problem when our pursuit of approval replaces our trust in God’s grace.
What does the Bible say about comparison?
Scripture repeatedly encourages us to fix our eyes on Christ rather than comparing ourselves to others. Comparison often distracts us from God’s unique purpose for our lives.
How can Christian women overcome perfectionism?
As we grow rooted in God’s love and grace, we learn to find our worth in Christ instead of performance, appearance, or achievement.
